Anxiety has a complicated network of causes, such as environmental factors. Elements in the environment around an individual can increase anxiety. Stress from a personal relationship, job, school, or financial predicament can contribute greatly to anxiety. Anxiety can be crippling it can occur when a person regularly feels disproportionate levels of distress, worry, or fear over an emotional trigger. Identifying the reason behind a presentation of anxiety can be the key to successful treatment. A few months ago I realized I have stopped liking life, I was literally just trying to get to the next day. Just living in thought of tomorrow. I am not living I am waiting and the trouble is I don’t know what I am exactly waiting for? I am kind of scared for what it might be. I get nervous about everything. Sometimes I literally don’t  know what I am anxious about. I just am and no one seems to understand that. Anxiety is terrible, you could be having an attack and no one would even know, because it’s an inward thing. It feels like you’re malfunctioning and you can’t process your own thoughts. You get a knot in your stomach and you can’t take a full breath, but outwardly you can literally just sit there and look completely normal. As long as no one tries to speak to you. The thing about an anxiety disorder is that you know it is stupid.

You know with all your heart that it wasn’t a big deal and that it should roll off of you. But that is where the disorder kicks in. Suddenly the small thing is the very big thing and it keeps growing in your head. Flooding you chest and trying to escape from under your skin. You know with all of your heart that you’re being ridiculous and you hate every minute of it. “Anxiety isn’t that bad” Yes it is. Anxiety makes you sit there and overthink every single thing. At times it makes you think people in your life are leaving you. You begin to feel abandoned, and not worth anything because the most important person/people in your life don’t want you. So you push them away so they can’t discard you or leave you. When in reality , nobody was ever leaving. Anxiety this bad makes you leave the ones you love, it sucks. Anxiety is when feelings of being anxious and stressed don’t go away, can’t be controlled easily, or happen for no particular reason. My anxiety is silent you wouldn’t even notice a change on the outside, but i’m honestly stressed I can’t even manage simple tasks. People call me lazy when in reality I’m just overwhelmed. Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it’s the loudest voice in the room. The only one you can hear. That’s when you should breathe.

Just breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable, anxious, and scared. Yet you have survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They are painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon. They are going to fade and when they do. You will look back at this moment and laugh having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass, I promise you it will pass. Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It’s the fear of failure but no urge to be productive. It’s wanting friends, but hate socializing. It’s wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. It’s feeling everything all at once, then feeling paralyzing numb. Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.

Anxiety isn’t weakness. Living with anxiety takes strength, by turning up and doing stuff with anxiety. It takes a strength most will never know. Every thought is a battle. Every breath is a war, and I don’t think I am winning anymore. Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it. Anxiety is having to remind myself that being afraid of things going wrong isn’t the way to make things go right. Everyday is a struggle even when i’m at my best, my anxiety is always with me and my panic taps me on my shoulder a few times a day. On my good days I can brush it off. On my bad days I just want to stay in bed. Anxiety is like quick sand the harder we struggle to escape , the deeper we sink. For most of my life I was a worrier and an over thinker. I need to surrender to what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. I just need to slow down and breathe, i am strong for getting out of bed in the mornings when it feels like hell.I am brave for doing things even though they scare me or make me feel anxious, I am amazing for trying and holding on no matter how hard life gets, It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay if all you did today was survive. You’re not going to master the rest of your life in one day. Just relax, master the day. Then just keep doing that everyday, it’s okay to not be okay, stay strong and carry on. You can and will get though this. You are amazing,strong, brave and wonderful remember that today. Stay strong and remember that you are loved. You are so much stronger than you have begun to realize. YOU FUCKING GOT THIS, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, IT WILL PASS. FUCK ANXIETY, FUCK DEPRESSION.Take care of yourself mind, body and soul.

-Retro Rebel Girl