Hello 2020, it’s a new year, a new me. Transformation, not resolution. I am going to take control of my health, wellness and fitness. I am going to transform myself body, mind and soul. This is my year to sparkle and be the bad-ass boss babe that I am. New year, new feels, new breath, new chances. Same dreams, fresh starts. I dare to believe in myself. I deserve all things magic. The secret to change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new. What the new year brings to me will depend a great deal on what I bring to the new year. Life always offers you a second chance, it it called tomorrow. My year is waiting and I am going to go get it. All though no one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. Every time you tear a leaf off a calendar, you present a new place for new ideas and progress. You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try. I know goals are not a January 1st type of thing. I need to set them weekly, set them monthly. I just need to set them so that I am moving forward and always trying to progress. I wish you to have 12 months of happiness. 52 weeks of fun, 365 days of success. 8760 hours of good health, 52,600 minutes of good luck and 3,153,600 seconds of joy. Learn from the past and use it as a tool to start another year without fear. 2019 thank you for the lessons, 2020 I am ready now. Whatever happened over this past year, be thankful for where it brought you.

Where you are is where you’re meant to be. This cannot be the year of talking, of wishing, of wanting. This has to be the year, you get it done! Take a step back, and breath. Stop stressing and stop worrying. Get yourself together and do the shit you said you would do. Let this approaching year fetch the best delight in your life and let all unconvinced dreams you had in the past get fulfilled.May God retain the smile on your face, glow on your cheeks, and friendly greet words on your lips. What the new year brings to you will  depend a great deal on what you bring to the new year. No one is coming to make your 2020 successful. This life of yours is 100% your responsibility. This year, let go of what was and embrace what to be. A new year, a new chapter, new verse or just the same old story? Ultimately we write it. The choice is ours, 365 new chances to do your best and progress. Eat like you love yourself, speak like you love yourself. You aren’t a selfish person for taking care of yourself, just a happier one. Take care of yourself  as if you are the most awesome person you have ever met.

You are on a journey with no defined beginning, middle or end. There are no wrong twists and turns. There is just being and your job is to be as you as you can be, and so the adventure begins. Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book, write a good one. Everyday is a fresh start, I no longer believe in new year resolutions, I believe in daily resolutions. Stop waiting, stop sitting around, stop procrastinating. This is your time, make it happen. Believe in yourself and create some magic. This last year went by fast, time is so valuable. This year I’m going to make the most of it. Here’s to 2020 being filled with less stress and more faith. Genuine friendships and less forced interactions. More  laughter and less tears. Zero drama, hard work, success and time to do the things that matter most. Cheers if you’re ready too. I will remain focused on my goals. Even if I have a moment of difficulty, I will not give up. I know success comes with consistency. I know that I will make it. Things will get better. No problem or challenge will stop me. everything I deserve is coming my way. 2020 will be a selfish year, my time will be invested on me. On improving myself, I want to become a better person physically and mentally. 2020 will be good vibes, bigger goals, better experiences, more happiness, stronger relationships and more focused than ever. 2020 is finally going to be my year.

I am going to claim it, it’s all mine. My next chapter is going to be amazing. 2020 is the year I am transforming my life. Cheers to a new year and another chance to get it right. It’s been a long tough year, but I learned a lot of hard lessons and a lot about myself, I am grateful for it all it made me who I am, but I need to work on myself to become a better bad-ass boss babe. 2020 let’s do this. Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path. 2020 will be a better chapter for me if I think positively , let go of my past mistakes. Make new friends, stay away from toxic people, use my talents, don’t hold back and do good deeds. Speak up for myself and know my worth. I want to live my life without stress and worries. I don’t need to be rich or famous, I just want to be happy. 2020 you’re mine. I will destroy you, just as 2019 tried me. I will kill it in every area of my life. I’m ready for a fresh start, for new adventures, laughs, dances and challenges. It’s time to level up mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually and energetically. This year I am going to stop waiting, stop sitting around, stop procrastinating. This is my time to make it happen. I am going to believe in myself. I am going to create some magic.

I am going to quit trying to please everyone, I am going to quit fearing change, I am going to stop living in the past. I am  going to try to stop overthinking. I am going to quit being afraid to be different. I am going to quit sacrificing my happiness for others. I am going to quit thinking i’m not good enough and thinking I have no purpose. I want 2020 to be my year, I need to stop sitting on the couch waiting for it. I need to go out and make a change. I need to smile more and be excited, I need to do new things and throw away what has been cluttering my house and life. I am going to un-follow negative people on social media and try to go to bed early. While also trying to wake up early. I am going to be fierce and not gossip. I will show more gratitude and do things that challenge me. I am going to be brave. My next chapter in life is going to be amazing. I am going to remain focused o my goals. I am going to welcome all the amazing things in store for me this year and I release all fear and doubt from the past. 2020 is the year I am transforming my life. One of my goals is to never let myself fall as low as I did this year, never again. I am whole, I am learning, I am letting go, I am free. I am talented and courageous.

I am protecting my joy. I am brave. I am healing. I am loving myself unapologetically. Your minute is your hour is your day is your week is your month is your  year. If you want to make this year better, make each minute better. My goal is to fall back in love with myself, the world and life again. I will love what I see in the mirror, I will make time for creativity. I will never say no to adventure. 2020 will be my year to shine. I also have a goal to be filthy rich. Rich in adventure, rich is health, rich in knowledge, rich in laughter, rich  in family and rich in love. My ultimate goal is to build a life I don’t need a vacation from. Your entire life can really change in a year. You just gotta love yourself enough to know you deserve more, and disciplined enough to actually work for more. 2019 thank you for the lessons, 2020 I am ready. Are you  ready? What goals are you going to accomplish this year? For 2020 I just want my family happy, my health improved, my mind right, my finances flowing and no drama. Your attention please no one is coming to make your 2020 successful. This life of yours is 100% your responsibility. New year, a new chapter, new verse, or just the same old story? Ultimately we write it. The choice is ours. This cannot be the year of talking, of wishing, of wanting. This has to be the year, you get it done! It’s a year to leap, to write that action plan.

Move forward fearlessly. It’s a year of reinvention, to make room for things that matter. To invest in yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. Workout more, care less, hug more, and actually do what you want. I am committed to inner peace, expansion, gratitude and self love. This will be my year. Happy new year 2020! P.S. In 2020, may this new year all your dreams turn into reality and all your efforts into great achievements. I hope your life will be full of surprise and joy in the new year that’s about to begin. May you be blessed with everything you want in life.

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FELLOW ADVENTURES

-Retro Rebel Girl

It’s okay if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire. There is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise. Rise up and be the best you can be because your world is waiting for you. If you fall behind run faster. Never give up. never surrender, and rise up against all odds. Rise up and become the person you were meant to be. What defines us is how well we rise after falling. Rise up when you fall, be a beast and stay true to your vision. We all fall down from time to time. We all experience struggle and hardship. The important thing is to rise up when you fall. I’ve fallen down so many times I can’t even remember. I worked my way up to the top of my own mountain only to find myself falling down to the bottom. Gone from being on top of the world to being in a dark place. From happy to sad, from strong to weak. Always risen through, always and always stayed true to my vision. Because that’s what you do, you rise up when you fall. You gotta be a beast and fight for yourself and for your dreams and goals. And always stay true to your vision. Train hard, work hard, no matter how tough things get.  Stay true to your vision, never give up greatness awaits you.

Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you top grow into your highest self. In order to rise from it’s own ashes a phoenix first must burn. As the legend goes when the phoenix resurrects from the flames, she is even more beautiful than before. Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you. Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire. ” It’s best to have failure early in life. It wakes up the phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes.”- Anne Baxter. Hope rises like a phoenix from the ashes of shattered dreams, and when you can’t find a way make your own. Yes, I cut people off, ruthlessly, but I also love with my heart and soul. So when I I cut you off trust me. I have a damn good reason. What a beautiful thing it is, to be able to stand tall and say, I fell apart, and I survived. The road to success is always under construction. If I fall down I get back on my feet. And I try again, and again until I make it. We all fall down at one point or another. If that happens, you get back on your feet and you try again, and again, and again until you make it.

Be consistent, do not give up ever. No more “I can’t” you can and you will. It is time to erase any trace of I can’t in your mind! You can lose weight, you can get in shape. You can make those gains. You can become stronger! You can come back after a setback, You can improve in any way you want, and you will! Believe in yourself and make it happen. Period!!!!If you fall rise from your ashes like a phoenix, kill your excuses, face your fears and stop doubting yourself. You can do this. Excuses, fears and doubts are three of the biggest barriers to becoming better. Excuses, we all make them, it’s easy to make them. Am I right? But every single excuse takes you one step back in your journey towards becoming a better you. Once you realize that and start killing every single one of your excuses you will be making progress a lot faster. Think DO instead of DON’T and accept no excuses! Always be stronger than your strongest excuses. Fears, there are so many and they are all different from person to person. But whatever your fears are face them head on and make sure your fears are not holding you back, Fear sometimes it’s a very helpful thing that keeps us from harm.

But many times it’s an inner voice and barrier that keeps us stuck,, that keeps us from getting what we want and becoming who we honestly deep down want to be. Learning to handle fear and over come it so you can take an important action even if for sometimes it’s just for 10 to 30 seconds, is critical to living your life fully. The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can;t achieve it. Stop doubting yourself believe and push forward! Even if it’s the smallest steps forward, move forward. Today tomorrow and every single day after that: no more excuses, fears and doubts. You can do this. At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets. Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality, your whining, your blaming, and all of your excuses have never gotten you even a single step closer to your goals or dreams. Let go of your nonsense. Let go of the delusion that you deserve better  and go earn it. Today is a new day. Rise above the ashes like a phoenix, kill your excuses, face your fears and stop doubting yourself. You can do this, I know life is hard. I know sometimes you feel like giving up, on people and on yourself.

I know you have good days and bad days but more bad than good or so it seems. I know everyday you questions yourself “What is this all for?, Am I making the right choices?, or am I supposed to be here, now?” I know you have more questions than answers and most of the time you don’t even know how to explain them. i know life is hard, but you have to keep going. You have to rise above the waters of your soul, and bloom, no matter how many arrows you carry on your back believe me, you’re a warrior. You’re a solider filled with both pain and love. And life, well life is just another beast you were meant to tame and there is no one better for the job, other than you. Rise above like a phoenix from the ashes. Stay strong, sometimes it’s okay to not be okay as long as you don’t unpack and live there and you rise from the ashes and become a beautiful stronger version of yourself.

-Retro Rebel Girl

Sometimes you got to give yourself a pep talk, Like sup girl , I see you. You’re looking dope, your’re feeling dope, you’re a god damn goddess, a treasure, and I love you. Admit it you’re dope. Stop pretending you’re less than you are to protect someone else’s ego. You have everything within you to rise up and take the lead in your life. We won’t always feel our best. We have hard days, we face challenges, we feel discouraged and sometimes we’re just not okay. But, the beauty in accepting ourselves is knowing we’re good enough and not giving up. When life seems hopeless, rearrange things for a dose of dopeness. Your dopeness makes you quirky. Don’t force it, if there isn’t flow let it go. Dopeness is the characteristic of being great or extraordinary or exuding high levels of epic vibes. Don’t give up , don’t take anything personally and don’t take no for an answer. Hustle and heart will set you apart. Strong women don’t have attitudes we standards. An attitude of whatever it takes is impossible to stop. Some people will only like you if you fit in to their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass. It will be hard. It will be tough. You will lose sleep. Some people are going to reject you simply because you shine too bright for them, and that’s okay. Keep shining . I’ll never apologize for being ambitious, passionate and strong minded. If it offends you, you know where the door is.

I compete with no one. If what I do threatens you that’s your problem. Ten years from now you want to be able to say you chose this life, not settled for it. Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you are so strong and so capable of many wonderful things. Just trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement. Be strong, trust yourself, love yourself. Conquer your fears, just go after what you want and act fast because life just isn’t that long. Trust yourself to choose what’s right for you. Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.Trust yourself, you’ve survived a lot, and you’ll survive whatever is coming. Just trust yourself then you will know how to live. Trust your intuition you don’t need to explain or justify your feelings to anyone, just trust your own inner guidance, it knows best.

Think for yourself. Trust your own intuition. Another’s mind isn’t walking your journey, you are. Let go of the need to control outcome.Trust the process. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself and your feelings. Trust yourself to do what your heart is guiding you to do. Your intuition is powerful, trust it.  Don’t give up , this is just what the road on the way looks likes. The wrong questions to ask: What will they think? What will make them happy? Why can’t I have it? You should be asking the right questions instead. What do I think? What will make them happy? How can I get it? Do the work like you know it’s all going to work out. It will!! Stop forgetting how wildly capable you are and start doing something with it. Great things never came from comfort zones. Don’t be afraid to be the full package. Invest in yourself. If you’re wondering why you aren’t where you want to be, write down your list of excuses and realize that is why. Of course it’s hard, of course you’re stressed. But these are all the things that are putting you ahead.  Trying to please everyone is a recipe for stress, misery and frustration. Be yourself, it’ll be good to know who’s down with that. Love the life you have while you create the life of your dreams. You may not be able to control every situation and it’s outcome, but you can  control your attitude and how you deal with it. “You may encounter many defeats. But you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are. What you can rise from and how you can still come out of it.” Maya Angelou. Positive thoughts generate positive feelings and attract positive life experiences.

Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do and attitude determines how well you do it. Nothing about your confidence has to be low key. You put in the work to get here and love yourself. Affirm your greatness every chance you get. Love yourself first. Establishing a healthy loving relationship with yourself will -set the standard for your relationships with others. You are a leader, not anyone’s doormat when you know who you  are and what you want out of life, you don’t let anyone decide for you. Learn how to treat yourself like the queen you are. Just like you wouldn’t tolerate disrespect from others, don;t take it from yourself. Not living, looking, or being like the next chick doesn’t invalidate your existence. You’re you and you’re worthy just as you are. You don’t need to look or be a certain way in order to be loves or accepted. Be yourself, accept and love yourself. You are enough as you are. Be all about your business, your happiness, and your growth. Take charge of your life and say no to negativity. Never let people’s opinions or drama rob you of your peace. Stay focused on yourself,don’t feed into negativity and you’ll stay successful. You control your happiness. Nothing and no one can knock you down or break you without your permission. Live your life to the fullest and be happy, the key to finding that happiness is not caring about what people think. You are the owner and controller of your own destiny. Don’t let people who don’t have to deal with the consequences of your actions decide for you.

Push yourself because no one else is going to do it for you. Become a priority in your life. Be miserable or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice. Never stop doing your best just because someone doesn’t  give you credit. Let no one discourage your ambitious attitude. You don’t need a fan club to achieve your goals.Be your own motivation. The question isn’t who ‘s going to let me it’s who’s going to stop me? I would rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea. Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. Throw me to the wolves and i’ll come back leading the pack. I am a bad ass, and I recognize that you too are a bad ass. Trust in your dopeness. Be a little sass and a lot of bad ass.

-Retro Rebel Girl

 

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. nothing can be done without hope and confidence. Once you choose hope, anything is possible. Only in darkness can you see the stars. Hope is like the sun, which as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us. Hope is passion for what is possible. Be strong because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever. Remember hope is a good thing, maybe be the best of things and no good thing ever dies. Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. Even though I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I’m going to think positive and hope for the best, and sometimes against all odds, against all logic, we still have hope. Once you choose hop anything is possible. Kindness is giving hope to those who think they are all alone in this world. I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe. Just because something isn’t happening for you right now doesn’t mean that it will never happen. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless. Always hope but never expect. Let your hopes, not your hurts shape your future. Hope for the best, expect the worst and take what comes.

Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen almost like magic. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who keep trying when they seemed to be no hope at all. Never lose hope, you may never know what tomorrow may bring. A lesson for all of us is that for every loss, there is victory, for every sadness, there is joy, and when you think you’ve lost everything , there is hope. Hope is the last thins ever lost. Hope but never expect. Look forward but never wait. Hope does not disappoint. When the world says give up, hope whispers try it one more time. Never lose hope success will reward your hard work. In fuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen , make your own future. Make  your own hope. Learn from yesterday, live for today and hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Live for what tomorrow can bring, not for what yesterday has taken away. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift from God, which is why we call it the present. They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world:

Someone to love, something to do and something to hope for. Hope is the little voice you hear whisper”maybe” when it seems the entire world is shouting”NO!” What is hope? Hope is when something is lost and you believe it can be found. Hope is a diamond buried in a rock. Hope is the love amongest the despair. Hope is the rays of sunlight that shine through the dark clouds. Hope is believing in the seemingly impossible. Hope is a feeling in desire. Hope is something you really want and need. Hope is a feeling that makes you feel that the next day will be better. Hope is passion for what is possible. Keep the faith. The most amazing things in life tend to happen right at the moment you’re about to give up hope. Only in darkness can you see the stars. Be strong because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever. The greater your storm the brighter your rainbow. Don’t lose hope. Everything happens for a reason. You never know what tomorrow may bring. Don’t lose hope when the sun goes down, the stars come out to shine bright. May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. Once you choose hope anything is possible. Be the person you want to have in your life. Hope is passion for what is possible. Don’t give up on hope.

-Retro Rebel Girl

Anxiety has a complicated network of causes, such as environmental factors. Elements in the environment around an individual can increase anxiety. Stress from a personal relationship, job, school, or financial predicament can contribute greatly to anxiety. Anxiety can be crippling it can occur when a person regularly feels disproportionate levels of distress, worry, or fear over an emotional trigger. Identifying the reason behind a presentation of anxiety can be the key to successful treatment. A few months ago I realized I have stopped liking life, I was literally just trying to get to the next day. Just living in thought of tomorrow. I am not living I am waiting and the trouble is I don’t know what I am exactly waiting for? I am kind of scared for what it might be. I get nervous about everything. Sometimes I literally don’t  know what I am anxious about. I just am and no one seems to understand that. Anxiety is terrible, you could be having an attack and no one would even know, because it’s an inward thing. It feels like you’re malfunctioning and you can’t process your own thoughts. You get a knot in your stomach and you can’t take a full breath, but outwardly you can literally just sit there and look completely normal. As long as no one tries to speak to you. The thing about an anxiety disorder is that you know it is stupid.

You know with all your heart that it wasn’t a big deal and that it should roll off of you. But that is where the disorder kicks in. Suddenly the small thing is the very big thing and it keeps growing in your head. Flooding you chest and trying to escape from under your skin. You know with all of your heart that you’re being ridiculous and you hate every minute of it. “Anxiety isn’t that bad” Yes it is. Anxiety makes you sit there and overthink every single thing. At times it makes you think people in your life are leaving you. You begin to feel abandoned, and not worth anything because the most important person/people in your life don’t want you. So you push them away so they can’t discard you or leave you. When in reality , nobody was ever leaving. Anxiety this bad makes you leave the ones you love, it sucks. Anxiety is when feelings of being anxious and stressed don’t go away, can’t be controlled easily, or happen for no particular reason. My anxiety is silent you wouldn’t even notice a change on the outside, but i’m honestly stressed I can’t even manage simple tasks. People call me lazy when in reality I’m just overwhelmed. Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it’s the loudest voice in the room. The only one you can hear. That’s when you should breathe.

Just breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable, anxious, and scared. Yet you have survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They are painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon. They are going to fade and when they do. You will look back at this moment and laugh having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass, I promise you it will pass. Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It’s the fear of failure but no urge to be productive. It’s wanting friends, but hate socializing. It’s wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. It’s feeling everything all at once, then feeling paralyzing numb. Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.

Anxiety isn’t weakness. Living with anxiety takes strength, by turning up and doing stuff with anxiety. It takes a strength most will never know. Every thought is a battle. Every breath is a war, and I don’t think I am winning anymore. Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it. Anxiety is having to remind myself that being afraid of things going wrong isn’t the way to make things go right. Everyday is a struggle even when i’m at my best, my anxiety is always with me and my panic taps me on my shoulder a few times a day. On my good days I can brush it off. On my bad days I just want to stay in bed. Anxiety is like quick sand the harder we struggle to escape , the deeper we sink. For most of my life I was a worrier and an over thinker. I need to surrender to what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. I just need to slow down and breathe, i am strong for getting out of bed in the mornings when it feels like hell.I am brave for doing things even though they scare me or make me feel anxious, I am amazing for trying and holding on no matter how hard life gets, It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay if all you did today was survive. You’re not going to master the rest of your life in one day. Just relax, master the day. Then just keep doing that everyday, it’s okay to not be okay, stay strong and carry on. You can and will get though this. You are amazing,strong, brave and wonderful remember that today. Stay strong and remember that you are loved. You are so much stronger than you have begun to realize. YOU FUCKING GOT THIS, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, IT WILL PASS. FUCK ANXIETY, FUCK DEPRESSION.Take care of yourself mind, body and soul.

-Retro Rebel Girl

In case nobody told you today, you are beautiful, you are loved, you are needed, you are strong, you are enough. You are amazing just as you are… more beautiful than you can see, stronger than you feel, and more worthy than you will ever know. Hey you, you are a fabulous, wonderful, stupendous human being, don’t forget it. In case no on has told you lately you yes you are amazing, are strong and brave. Wonderful, kind, loved, worthy, there is no one like you. The world needs you. You are enough, smart, strong, bold, brave, capable and tough. It’s time to believe it. You are unique, you are funny, you are stunning, you are you. You are intelligent, you are amazing. You are talented. You are a gift from God. Don’t wait until you’ve reached your goal to be proud of every step you take toward reaching it. Everything you need is already inside you. Don’t wait for others to light your fire. You have your own matches. When you feel like quitting think about why you started. Look back at where you came from and let yourself feel proud about your progress. You are killing it. Stay focused on your goals, your peace and your happiness. Don’t waste your time on anything that doesn’t contribute to your growth and success. Compliment yourself on a daily basis. Validate yourself, don’t let a soul on this planet convince you you’re not worth it. Love yourself so much that it makes other people uncomfortable. It’s all about you baby girl and your hustle. Focus on taking care of yourself and accomplishing your goals.

There’s no time for distractions. Mind your own business and worry about your own pockets. You don’t get anything done when you’re focused on what other people are doing. Confidence is more than a way of thinking it’s a lifestyle. Confidence is being unapologetic for existing as you are. It’s loving every bit of yourself and not giving a fuck about who doesn’t. There are people out there who won’t be happy until they see you unhappy with yourself. Don’t let them steal your power, joy or thunder. Be selfish enough to have self love, self worth, and self respect. Invest in yourself, trust me it’s worth it. It will be the best investment you ever make. Put all of your energy into your goals and dreams instead of temporary things and people. You’ll be glad you did. Being assertive and standing up for yourself doesn’t mean fighting. It means not letting someone who disrespects you go unchecked. When you’re aware of how beautiful and bad ass you truly are, nobody can tell you a damn thing. Never let what you’re going through have the power to beat you down. You’ve been through worse and overcame it. This time won’t be any different. Having standards doesn’t make you high maintenance, it makes you a bitch who knows what the fuck she wants. You become free when you stop letting shit you can’t control have the power to control you. Bullshit can’t break you if you don’t let it. A queen knows how to build her empire with the same stones that were thrown at her.

Don’t be perfect be yourself, No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up. Wake up with positive intentions to better yourself and the lives of those around you. Every morning we get a chance to be different, a chance to change. A chance to be better. May your vibes shift the whole dame frequency of the room when you walk in. Today be responsible, fearless, open, pretty, honest and most importantly, SLAY. Be a boss babe, it’s never to late to start over. If you weren’t happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don’t stay stuck, do better. At any given moment you have the power to say, this is not how the story is going to end. People with purpose, goals and visions have no time for drama. They invest their energy in creativity and focus on living a positive life. Today will be amazing so wake up and smile. Positivity is a choice that becomes a lifestyle. Don’t think about what can happen in a month, don’t think about what can happen in a year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be. Every time you get upset, ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow would it still be worth being upset over? God gave you this life because he knew you were strong enough to live it. Be strong but not rude. Be kind but not weak. Be humble but not timid. Be proud but not arrogant.

Happy are those who take life day by day, Complain very little, and are thankful for the little things in life. Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. Here’s to a year of better, positive thinking, clean eating and most of all loving yourself.

-Retro Rebel Girl

I really don’t know where this post is going to go today because on 12/17/19 I lost my last living grandparent. My grandpa Moises, We lost my Grandma his wife May 29, 2018. I really haven’t gotten over her death I was there when she actually passed away. Have you ever seen someone die in front of you (not in that psycho serial killer kind of way?). I mean watch them as they lay there knowing there is nothing in the world you can do to save them and as they lye there taking their last breath. All you can think of is all your memories you have of them and being with them. How beautiful their life was and how you will miss them forever.  Sometimes happy memories hurt the most. Whenever I am missing you , I also remember how fortunate I was that you were in my life and you were my grandparents. I wouldn’t trade those memories or moments for the world. I will always love you. My only regret is that if I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time I saw you, I would have hugged you a little tighter, told you I loved you a little louder and stayed by your side a little longer. My mind knows that you are gone but my heart will never accept it. I miss you so much. A million words will not bring you back, I know because I have tried. Neither would a million tears, I know because I cried them. My voice is breaking up as I tried to say your name I thought I was strong but a crack gives it away. The loss that I feel sitting heavy on my heart i’m struggling to breath my soul’s been torn apart. Watching you go as I mutely look on something’s breaking inside. How am I supposed to hold myself together when I witnessed you go lost to me forever.

Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, but no can tell me what i’m supposed to do right now. Right now I can’t sleep. It’s right now that I can’t eat. Right now I still hear their voices and sense their presence even though they are not here. Right now all I seem to do is cry. I know all about time and wounds healing. But even if I had all the time in the world, I sill don’t know what to do with all this hurt right now. I cried endlessly when you died, but I won’t let the sadness or tears wreck the smiles, laughs and memories you gave me when you were alive.  The reality is that I will grieve forever.I will not “get over” the loss of a loved one. I will learn to live with it. I will heal and I will rebuild myself around the loss I have suffered. I will be whole again but I will never be the same. Nor should I be the same nor would I want to. Grief is like living two lives. One is where you pretend that everything is alright, and the other is where your heart silently screams in pain. Those we love don’t go away. they walk beside us everyday…. unseen, unheard, but always near still loved, still missed and very dear. I am exhausted of trying to be stronger than I feel. You never know how much time you have left with the ones you love.

I thought I had more time. I didn’t know that so many moments were the lasts. I’ve learned this , instead of living with fear of the lasts, live with love for all the moments, the good, the bad, the ugly all of them. Even the ones you are pulling your hair out and screaming. Don’t do it halfway. Do it all the way, and don’t let your moments escape you. Dive in fully, soak them up, live, love, savor it all. Trauma permanently changes us. This is the big, scary truth about trauma. There is no such thing as “getting over it.” A major life disruption leaves a new normal in it’s wake. There is no back to the old me, you are different now. This is not wholly a negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and new joy. But in all the sadness when you’re feeling that your heart is empty, and lacking. You’ve got to remember that grief isn’t the absence of love. Grief is the proof that love  is still there. I love hard and I grieve just as hard because if you think about it. grief is a kind of love. It’s a painful shade of love you feel when the person you love is gone. The day I lost you, I also lost me. I’ve been trying to find myself again, but it’s hard. It’s hard because you were a huge part of my life. Not having you here is so painful, I’m just not me anymore. I wasn’t ever ready to say goodbye to you.

I give myself permission to fall apart. Permission to break and crumble. To feel like my edges are being broken off and I don’t know any longer where I end and begin. I am allowed to feel like the only thing keeping me from my insanity is the force of my fingertips on the edge holding on. I have permission to need, I am allowed to need. Help, love and understanding. I don’t have to suffer alone and If I want to fall apart, alone in the darkness of my room. I have permission to do that too. It’s okay. I’ll get back up, brush myself off and I’ll be okay. I have permission to feel everything, to let it crash over me in waves, or to step back to the safety of the shore, giving myself distance, giving myself a rest. Holding my breath underwater is hard. I have permission to take my time. Everyone heals at their own pace. Don’t rush it, don’t force your wounds to close and heal jaggedly when there’s still poison inside of them. You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your loved one. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like -having a broken leg that never perfectly heals, that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.

In life we loved you dearly, in death we love you still. In our hearts you hold a place, no one will ever fill. Grandparents hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. A grandparent is a little bit a parent, a little bit a teacher, and a little bit a best friend. I know you’ve loved me since I was born, but I’ve loved you my whole life. My grandparents were all of this and more. When I visited with them it was like I had a second set of parents who gave you cookies and anything you wanted. I loved our talks about their past and childhoods and how they met and everything else in between. Now they are both gone and I feel like I’m missing pieces of me. Grandpa was tough but soft he would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. Anything you needed they were always there to provide for you or give you what they could. I love you Grandpa Moises and Grandma Elsie forever and ever. Rest easy now no more pain and suffering. I will always love you. I am not sure what this is but I needed to say it out loud or write it out in order for me to process things. 

-Retro Rebel Girl

 

‘Tis the season to be thankful, but are you really thankful or just going through the motions of life? How should I be thankful? Why should I be thankful? Are questions you might be asking yourself. There is no happier person than a truly thankful content person. Be thankful for everything that happens in your life, its all an experience. It’s lessons to be learned , experiences to help you to learn and grow as a person. To become the best bad-ass self you can be. Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have you will never ever have enough. At the end of the day. I am thankful that my blessings are bigger than my problems. I’m blessed with everything I need. I am working hard towards everything I want and most of all I appreciate and thank God for what I have.

The more you are thankful, the more you attract things to be thankful for. Put good karma out into the universe and get good back. By acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance. Be kind, be thoughtful, be genuine, but most of all be thankful. Give thanks for all the opportunities that even our struggle bring. No matter how hard life can get, go to bed grateful for all you have. The more you are thankful the more you attract things to be thankful for. The most beautiful way to start and end the day is with a grateful heart. A thankful heart is a  happy heart. At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.  I have a lot to be thankful for. I am healthy, happy and I am loved. There’s always something to be thankful for. Be thankful for the struggles you go through. They make you stronger, wiser and humble. Don’t let them break you. Let them make you. When some things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for the many more things that are still going right.

I am thankful because I woke up today, I have clothes to wear, we have running water, we have food to eat. Life is good, I am thankful. When you practice gratefulness there is a sense of respect towards others. Life is full of give and take, give thanks and take nothing for granted. So dear world I am excited to be alive in you , and I am thankful for another year. I’m thankful I grew up the way I did. It made me a hard worker and insightful to other peoples lives. Be thankful for every new challenge. Each will give you more strength, wisdom and character. Good or bad, just smile. You have a lot to be thankful for. Just be nice and smile. You never know who’s day you’ll brighten up. You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice. When I asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty, my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup. Always be thankful for all the simple pleasures in life, family, friends, food, love, laughter and hope.

Be thankful for what you have. Be fearless for what you want. Give thanks for all of the opportunities that even our struggles bring. I’m thankful for all of it. The highs. The lows. The blessings. The lesson’s. The setbacks. The comebacks. The love. The hate. Everything. It isn’t what you have in your pocket that makes you thankful, but what you have in your heart. I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across mt strength. Be thankful for each day , because not everyone gets to see another one. Since our yesterdays are gone and our tomorrows are never promised. Today I want to thank all my amazing friends and family  for being in my life. Never let the things you want make you forget the things you have.  Just be thankful you are blessed, life is too short to be stressed. Just be thankful for all you have, because you never know what will happen next. Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Look to tomorrow. Be grateful for all the obstacles in your life. They have strengthened you as you continue with your journey. Be thankful and grateful everyday.

-Retro Rebel Girl