Day 22 and 23 were all about weights, measurements and reflection, I wanted to see how far I have come. I have lost a total of 8.4 lbs so far. This is a small victory in the long adventure I have a head of me and I know losing weight does not cure a negative image about my body and my weight does not equal my worth. I am trying to love my body and have a positive image and relationship with it. I am just not happy with being overweight, not healthy, sick all of the time, joints and bones aching because of so much weight on them. My BMI right now is 45 For my height and current weight. That means I am extremely obese for my height. According to a bmi chart I found online my BMI is supposed to be between 19-24 to be a healthy weight. I am supposed to weigh 121 lbs to 158 lbs to be at a  healthy weight. So in order to be on the low end of “healthy” BMI I need to lose 166 lbs and to be on the high end I need to lose approximately 129 pounds. I don’t know how I feel about that I think I would be happy if I lost at least half of what I weigh now which would kind of be in between around 143 to 145 pounds. Hell I am just happy I am losing some right now. The ultimate goal is to lose weight and be healthier and keep up with my kiddo so whatever happens happens but I am trying to be realistic with my ultimate goal. I am not trying to set a number of pounds to lose because I feel it will put to much pressure on me and I just want to be relaxed and have fun with this adventure. I want to learn to love myself and be happy with me and who I am. I don’t want to be the fat girl, I want to change my perspective on how I see myself and how everyone else sees me. I want to become a better version of me. To me beauty should be about being comfortable in your own skin, it should be about knowing and accepting who you are. I am learning a lot of this adventure. When you put your head phones on, tune out the world and walk/run on the treadmill your mind starts to wander and goes deep in thought. You start to learn a lot about yourself and start to learn to love the weird,the quirky, anything, and everything about yourself and your body. You start to appreciate all that your body can do that you didn’t know or thought it couldn’t do. I read somewhere that one step towards a positive body image you should keep a top 10 list of things you like about yourself that aren’t related to how much you weigh or what you look like. Hmmm let’s see

1.  My personality
2. My taste in music
3. My laugh
4. My intelligence
5. My ability to give myself time to heal and recoup when life gets me down
6. My sense of humor
7. My ability to make other people laugh when they need it
8. My willingness to challenge myself
9. My ability to smile even when things get hard
10. My bravery/ the way I  would defend my family against an army with a spoon if it came down to it.

I feel this is a perfect start to loving myself, I feel these are all beautiful qualities I possess. I also need to remind myself that “true beauty” is not simply skin deep… Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body. I need to remember to look at myself as a whole person and choose not to focus on specific body parts. I need to surround myself with positive people and positive vibes. I do not need negativity in my life. I need to learn to shut down the voices in my head that tell me my body is not “right” or that I am a “bad” person. I need to have more confidence in myself, my abilities and what me and my body are capable of. I need to stop comparing myself to others and stat focused on me. I love myself because I am a gift nothing would be the same if I didn’t exist.

As I sit here and write this blog entry I can’t help but think about where and who I was awhile ago to how far I have come now here is a few progress pictures.

A little progress each day adds up to big results. Small progress is still progress. I might not be where I want to be but I am not where I used to be. Slow progress is also better than no progress. If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward. Slow steady progress is better than fast, daily excuses. Allow yourself to be proud of yourself and all of the progress you’ve made. Especially the progress that no one else has seen. The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. It’s not about perfect, It’s about effort and when you bring that effort every single day. That is  where transformation happens and that is how change occurs. Fitness is not about being better than someone else, it’s about being better than you used to be. I might be a work in progress but every day I get a little bit wiser, a little bit better, and a little bit stronger. Cheers to a better healthier me and I just want to say how proud I am of myself that I am on this adventure and I am taking the steps to becoming a healthier me. Also that I am sticking to making healthier choices and habits, and continuing to go the gym and exercising. Thank you for following and supporting on my adventure to a healthier better me.

-Retro Rebel Girl