Day 19 and 20 were rest days for me and mostly reflection. I started this adventure because I am overweight and weigh the most I have ever been in my life. I am unhappy with the way I look, unhappy with the way I look in pictures, in clothes, in person, etc. etc. etc. I had no confidence and no self love, I have no acceptance of who I am as a person. I started this adventure because I just wanted to lose weight, be healthier, not having hurting aching bones and joints because I am overweight. I want to be able to keep up with my four year and run after her when I need to with out dying of exhaustion and being over weight. As I sit her and type all this I am not doing it for sympathy or for anyone else. I am doing it for me, I have learned some things about myself and my adventure has helped me to become more self loving. It has taught me to stop hating myself for everything I am not and start loving myself for everything I already am. Because I am strong because I know my weaknesses. I am beautiful because I am aware of my flaws. I am fearless because I learned to recognize illusion from real.I am wise because I learn from my mistakes. I am a lover because I have felt hate and I can laugh because I have known sadness. Self care is not self indulgence. Self care is self respect. Self motivate, push yourself because no one else is going to do it for you. I looked at how I got to be overweight and I saw that I used to bottle my feelings inside and let things that stressed me out get to me. I had to eat, I had to eat a lot of snacks and junk food, I ate because I was board, I ate because I was sad about my weight. I ate because food was comforting to me. I ate because food didn’t judge me. I ate because food didn’t call me fat or fluffy or tell me I needed to lose weight. I ate because food didn’t stress me out. I use/used  food as therapy for my problems. NO FUCKING MORE, GYM IS MY THERAPY, ITS ALSO MY PROBLEM SOLVER. I had to take a hard and truthful look at myself and the self sabotage, and the damage I have been doing to myself. I realized I don’t want to over eat, I don’t want to get any bigger, I don’t want to have a whole hell of a lot of health problems. I want to be there for my daughter, I want to be her HERO. I want to show her that you can do anything you set you mind to. That I am strong, I am beautiful, I am healthy, I am confident, no self hate. I started to eat healthier and no more junk food, sodas, fast food. Its all about healthier options and choices. Some days its not about health or building muscle, its just therapy. Exercise not only changes your body it changes your mind, your attitude and your mood. I exercise because somehow completely exhausting myself is the most relaxing part of my day. I feel calm and sane when I put my headphones on to block out the world and listen to music that helps me heal inside and freaking kill a workout at the gym. On good days I workout, on bad days I work out harder. When it’s just me, my music and the iron.

For us gym addicts and fitness freaks, there’s no better feeling than when we are in the gym and it’s just you, your music and the iron. Few feelings can match that of just being by yourself with your music and the iron! I need to stop caring so much about what people think. Focus on me and on becoming the best version of myself. It’s time to STOP caring about what people think. Cut out the negative people from my life. Focus all my energy on ME and on becoming the very best version of myself. Train harder and work harder until I achieve my goals and focus less on what other people think about me. I know what it feels like to self loath and to be unmotivated. I don’t want to be that anymore. I rather work my ass off until my body says totally no, than giving up on my goals or hunting my dreams! There’s no giving up here! I push hard until I am  DONE. I  don’t give up on my dreams or goals. Ever. That was a little peek into my mind, soul and body.

Day 21 Happy wild workout Wednesday, today is 01/31/18. I killed some fat at the gym today, I was back at it. Today was a new day. Whatever happened yesterday, good or bad doesn’t matter. Dedication, I am hard with myself because failure isn’t an option. Today’s workout started off with the treadmill, I only could do 17 mins and then I felt out of breath so I moved on to the life cycle bike and did 13 minutes. Then I moved on to the lat pull down at 55 lbs I did 5 sets and 8 reps.  Then off to the chest press at 40 lbs for 5 sets and 8 reps. Then the triceps press at 70 lbs  at 10 sets for 10 reps. Then off to the pectoral fly at 55 lbs I could only manage 3 sets at 5 reps. My arms were burning and I just couldn’t push myself to do 2 more sets. ugh. Next time… Then I was off to the hip abduction at 70 lbs for 10 sets and 10 reps each. Then I moved on to the hip adduction machine at 85 lbs at 10 sets x 10 reps. Then I moved to the seated leg press at 85 lbs for 6 sets x 10 reps. Then all my whole body felt like jello and I thought it was time to stop. But I killed it.

 

Your only limit is you, that is why I try to push myself to keep going. I am starting to learn to love myself and my body. I workout because I love my body, not because I hate it. I need to hustle hard, make myself proud, stay positive, have confidence in myself and my abilities, I need to work hard. I will achieve my goals and my dreams. I am just gong to take it one day at a time. I just need to work hard and be proud of what I achieve, small progress is still progress. I need to take care of my body because it is the only place I have to live in.

Here are some progress selfies, not sure if I see any differences yet but I feel some.

Put your heart, mind and soul into even the smallest acts. This is the secret to success. I will leave you with this heartfelt post, until next time.

-Retro Rebel Girl